


I Need a Hero

by xxwriter389xx



Series: What it Means to Be a Hero [1]
Category: Jak and Daxter
Genre: Depression, Human Daxter, M/M, PTSD, forgive the quality, i wrote this a while back and originally posted it on deviant art and ff.net, self hatred, so i edited it and im reposting here, there is some implied rape/non con, this fic deals with mental illness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:29:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21926728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxwriter389xx/pseuds/xxwriter389xx
Summary: When Daxter is suddenly returned to his human form, Jak isn't sure how to handle it. As they grow closer to each other, the more Jak pulls away, tormented by his time in prison. As Jak distances himself, thinking it's best for everyone, the more Daxter tries to hold on.An exploration of Jak 2 while looking at the psychological issues Jak faces after prison and how it affects those around him.
Relationships: Daxter & Jak, Daxter/Jak
Series: What it Means to Be a Hero [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1579153
Comments: 5
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As I said in the tags, this was written years ago and posted originally on DeviantArt and FF.net. Since then I have edited it extensively but it still remains different than my current work as the core of it was created a while back. Forgive any lack of skill. I still hope you enjoy it. A lot of the scenes from the game are integrated into this fic, with stuff added and interpreted. I hope you stay for this wild ride! Plus, if you stick around for the whole thing, there's even a sequel and a Torn-centered spin-off. I have been busy throughout the years. I just have been too afraid to post anything. Thank you to my JD discord for giving me the courage to finally post my stuff after so many years <3

“We’re in the future, Dax…”

_This…place is home?_

And here Jak was thinking there was someway back. That maybe they were in the wrong place. But never had it crossed his mind that they were…in the wrong time.

His brow furrowed and he spared a glance for Daxter who for once had nothing to say.

He met Jak’s gaze from the perch on his shoulder. His eyes said everything he couldn’t put into words.

“This _horrible_ place is… _our world_ …” It came out as a whisper as he turned his head away. He couldn’t look at Daxter’s eyes, full of more emotion than he normally ever showed.

He thought he could get away someday. From all the nightmares. From this nightmare of a city.

Too many bad memories. All the good were being poisoned.

The Dark place in Jak’s head whispered to him.

_You’ll never escape me. This nightmare will never make way for a dream._

He could feel his fists tighten and his teeth clench.

This was when Dax seemed to snap out of it.

“So, we gonna look inside or what?”

Jak said nothing and started climbing the steps. Once through the arch of the door, Dax hopped off his shoulder.

“I spent many-a-day cleaning up this place for Old Green and look at it! All gone to waste.” He swiped a paw across the dust covered floor.

Jak didn’t respond. Instead he looked around, seeing the pots that used to thrive with plants now nothing but empty shells of what used to be alive.

A sudden thump had him turning around to see Daxter sprawled out on the floor.

“Ow!” He was glaring at a hole in the floorboards.

Something about that…

Jak knelt down next to it and yanked up the board. He looked inside, immediately recognizing the box. Placing it on the floor, Daxter bounced up.

“Hey, this is that box we hid before we went through that damn portal!”

Jak lifted the lid, not saying a word. He felt as if he was too tainted to touch any of this. This was all too… innocent.

Attached to a long, woven string was a shark tooth. Dax always used to tell stories about how he wrestled that shark with his bare hands to make him that. Jak never told him that he saw Daxter looking along the shores of the beach for hours that day. He had gotten so sun burnt Jak laughed every time he looked at him for a week.

Dax picked something up, but his paws being so tiny, he expectantly dropped it. Jak heard the distinct noise of a release of pressure as whatever had rolled across the floor opened and the accompanying “oops”. He looked over to see a light shining and something being projected into the air like a screen.

“Whoa! I don’t remember this!”

“Me neither…” Jak said quietly with what even to himself sounded surprisingly like awe.

They both looked closer to see what seemed to be playing like a movie.

“Is that…?” Daxter’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. “That’s us!”

He watched and listened, remembering this day. It was strange looking at himself at only the age of eight, the blonde in his hair barely visible; same with Dax, his hair shockingly red.

_"S_ _heesh! Those crabs have quite the claws! I swear one of ‘em took a chunk outta my butt!” He was rubbing the aforementioned area as if that would relieve the pain._

_Jak sat in the sand, eyes on the water._

_"Hey, Jakkie-boy? Anyone in there?” He waved a hand in front of his face._

_He looked to him._

Jak wondered now what he had been thinking about. And he supposed back then Dax wondered the same because he asked, in his slightly more high-pitched voice, what was on his friend’s mind.

_He shrugged and Dax sat next to him. It was silent for a few moments, something rare with him._

_“Do you ever think about your parents?” Even now it was a shocking question but back then Jak hadn’t even known how to respond._

_Dax was staring at the water lapping against his bare feet but Jak felt he had been seeing something else entirely._

_He looked to the other after a moment, eyes locked on his._

_Jak shrugged but Daxter must have seen from his eyes that he didn’t even remember them. For all Jak’s life he was raised by his Uncle and Samos. He had been told that his parents died out traveling one day. Stupid him thought maybe they were out there alive somewhere. Guess now he would never find out._

_“Well I remember mine. And sometimes I wish I didn’t. Not that they weren’t good parents, don’t get me wrong. But remembering sometimes just isn’t worth it. Precursors, I don’t even know how I ended up here…” By the end he had sounded dejected and looked back to the ocean._

_Jak’s hand went to his shoulder and Daxter wiped at his freckled cheeks with a sleeve. He squeezed gently and Dax smiled, knowing he meant he’d always be there._

_“Well boy that crab being a pain in the ass got me hungry. You up for some lunch?” He stood, back to his normal self, except for deep in his eyes where the pain hadn’t fully receded._

Jak glanced over at him now, his body may have been different, but those eyes were the same, except now the pain had resurfaced. His ears were drooping and his tail sat lifeless on the floor.

“Hey…” Jak began but didn’t know where to go from there. Dax was right when he said Jak didn’t have a way with words.

“Don’t worry about me, big guy.” He forced a smile and Jak shut the device, setting it aside.

He pet the fur between Daxter’s ears and he couldn’t help but perk up a bit.

“So what else is in here?”

He looked back over to the box he had forgotten about for a moment.

A few pictures, browned at the edges from time, sat on top of a pair of clothes.

“Oh yeah! These were in case I got changed back ’cuz the Green Fuzz threw out all my other clothes! You know ’cuz he’s a tightwad like that.” He was pulling them on, everything drooping around his small frame.

Jak laughed. “You look ridiculous.”

He ignored him. “Mm…Precursors, how I wish I could be in that body again…”

The whir and whoosh of the mechanism from before was heard and a white light shot out from its seams, blasting Daxter so hard he hit the wall. Jak shielded his eyes with his hand and took it down once it dulled.

He looked to Dax and started to move toward him. Then he froze.

He blinked hard and before he could say anything Daxter spoke.

“Jak, quit lookin’ at me like I have two heads will ya?!”

Jak’s eyes grew wider and his jaw dropped.

“Jak! What are you--” He froze when he saw his hands.

The biggest smile he had seen in a long time came across his face. He still had buckteeth, but they fit a little better now. His freckled face, dimples, even his mess of fiery hair, held back by goggles; all there. Lanky build, feet a little too big for his body, along with his ears.

“Holy crap! I can’t believe that actually worked! I should wish more often!” He jumped up and, not used to this body after over two years in the form of an ottsel, stumbled a little, steadying himself with the wall. “Never thought I’d say this, but not having a tail really throws off yer balance.”

Jak was speechless.

“Dax…” he managed finally, disbelief coloring my tone.

“No need to say it! I’m _gorgeous_ , I know!” He flashed a cocky smile and Jak couldn’t help but smile back.

“Let’s grab this box o’stuff and high tail it outta here in case the Precursors decide to take back their gift.”

Jak had barely managed to put all the items in his bag before he was being dragged out.

Daxter’s chatter flew over his head as they made their way out of Dead Town and back to the city.

He was back. Not that it wasn’t great but…how would Jak protect him now? He’d need to learn to fend for himself in case something happened.

First thing tomorrow, gun course training.

Before he knew it, they were in front of the Hip Hog and Daxter went waltzing in like he owned the place.

Tess looked up and caught Jak’s eye.

“Jak! But…where’s my Daxie-poo?” She looked around for the ottsel.

“Right here, sweet cheeks!” He swept a hand through the air, presenting himself.

Tess’s gaze drifted back to Jak and he responded with a nod and a sheepish grin.

She gasped, a hand going to her mouth.

“Didn’t believe me, baby? I told you I used to be like everyone else!”

She squealed, pinching Daxter’s cheeks and hugging him tightly, and from the look on his face, he enjoyed the view more than ever.

Jak turned as he heard the door slide open.

“What’s got her so excited?” Torn’s rough voice sounded from the doorway.

“Daxter’s got a new look.” He turned back to them.

“Uh…have you been spending too much time in the sewers? Those fumes can mess with you, ’cuz that’s not your ‘buddy’.” He came to a stop next to him and met his gaze.

Daxter turned to Torn and grinned. “I know you’re just stunned by my shocking good looks, Tattooed Wonder.”

He paused before going to sit down at the bar. “Never mind I stand corrected.”

Jak took a seat next to him and watched him pour some liquor from a bottle into a freshly wiped glass.

Jak spun the stool around until his back was against the counter and his elbows on the surface.

Torn sat hunched over his glass.

“You better not let this distract you ‘cuz we need you to win this war,”

“No pressure,” he replied, rolling his eyes.

“I’m serious.” He took a swig of his drink.

Jak looked to him. “Why would this distract me?” He cocked one eyebrow.

Torn grunted. “Never mind.” He downed his shot and stood up. “Be sure to get back to the hideout asap. I’ve got a full day planned for tomorrow.” And with that he left.

He looked back to Daxter and rose with a sigh. Time to break up the party.

“Time to go, Dax.”

“Aww…okay. See you later, sweet cheeks.”

Tess waved goodbye to them as they left.

The air outside the bar was thick with smog. The air felt heavy and Jak looked up to the sky to see rain clouds. It always rained in Haven, rarely did in Sandover. He supposed it had to match the mood of the place.

“You seem quieter than usual, big guy. You alright?”

Jak was so used to the sound coming from right by his ear that for a moment he didn’t react. And by then Daxter was standing in front of him, almost at eye level—that would take some getting used to.

He nearly collided with him before bringing himself to a halt.

He shook his head to clear it.

“Yeah, Dax. I’m fine.”

His brow puckered and Jak smiled to ease it. He put an arm around the redhead’s shoulder, walking again.

“Seriously, don’t worry about me.” He gave a gentle squeeze and Dax smiled.

“Alright, buddy. Man! I can’t wait to see the look on Old Green’s face when we finally find him!” He spread his arms out wide, hitting Jak in the chest. A small smile still played on his lips as he watched him. Without thinking he reached out and ruffled his hair.

“Hey! I’m not an animal anymore!”

Jak chuckled.

“It’ll be priceless, Jakkie-boy, priceless I tell ya.” Daxter clasped his hands behind his head, returning to his earlier thoughts. “Damn,” he yawned. “All this excitement has got me wiped. And sheesh! You gotta walk so much in this city!” he continued to complain Jak made his way to a zoomer on the side of the road.

He hopped on and revved the engine which caused Dax to stop his rant and look over.

“Oh yeah! My feet thank you, Jak.” He hopped on behind him and wrapped his arms around Jak’s waist.

He felt the first drops of rain as they sped across the lake in front of the bar. And by the time they were back at the hideout they were soaked.

“Shit! We must look like drowned rats!” Daxter exclaimed, shaking himself off, highly resembling the way he would when he was still an ottsel. “Pun intended.” He smirked.

They got to the bottom of the steps and once the door opened, Torn was immediately behind it.

“The Shadow has decided it's time to meet you.”

“I meant to ask you, why is that place in the old ruins so important to you?” Jak countered.

“There's a powerful energy force at the old house. The Metal Heads are drawn to it.” Was his short reply.

He saw Daxter try and peek around Torn to get a look at this so-called Shadow.

“No kidding? We used to know the guy that lived there…” Jak trailed off as he saw Daxter’s expression.

“So, you're the new recruits who keep getting into trouble,” sounded an all too familiar voice.

“Oh no, not you!” Daxter exclaimed, throwing his hand up in the air.

But the man continued on, as if Daxter had never spoken. “Welcome to our humble Underground movement. I am known as the Shadow, but you may call me Samos. And you are?”

Dax turned to Jak. “Sheesh Jak, we went through all that to meet his holiness, ol' log on the head, grandpa green?!” His arms were thrust wildly in Samos’ direction.

He chose to ignore Daxter too, and looked to the Shadow. “Don't you know who we are?”

Samos looked utterly confused. “Sorry kid... never seen you before... and I never forget a face... especially one that ugly.” He pointed to Daxter.

“So, it begins…” Dax sighed.

“How is this possible? We came through the rift with you... into the future...right?” Jak was looking to Samos desperately. He _had_ to remember who they were.

“Yeah!” Daxter exclaimed. “You used to look older than dirt and uglier than a knotted stump. What gives? Did you get a little nip and tuck while we were gone?”

Jak put a hand to his forehead and he could see the rage growing on Torn’s face.

Samos sighed. “Listen boys, I don't know what kind of twigs you've been chewing on, but I don't have time for this. We've got a Baron to overthrow, a child heir to protect, an invasion of Metal Heads to stop, and a city to save. I'd say the schedule's pretty full! Besides, I haven't gone through any rifts. I hate teleporting!”

“Sure sounds like the ol' Samos,” Dax mumbled.

He continued without acknowledging him. “Tomorrow I’m going to need you to go to Haven Forest and root out a few Metal Heads. That forest is my source of power, but I can't protect it much longer. Chase down and destroy all the Metal Head scouts you find there. Good luck... and welcome to the fight!” He smiled.

Too many changes for one day.

“Yeah…” Jak sighed. “C’mon, Dax.”

“What the hell is going on in this place!” Daxter hissed as they made their way to the back rooms.

He shrugged and Torn glowered after them.

The room they generally slept in wasn’t too much of a space, but considering Daxter either talked in his sleep or just plain talked too much, being out in the main room in the bunks wasn’t an option. This way worked better anyway because sleep was not Jak’s best friend and he was visited by nightmares almost every night. Emotion wasn’t something he wanted splayed out for all the members of the Underground to see.

After those two years in prison…things changed. As if that weren’t already obvious enough. He turned into a monster. And sometimes he truly believed he was one.

Daxter wouldn’t hear it though. He would curl up next to him, wrapping his tail around his neck, letting him know he was there and he wasn’t afraid. That made everything bearable. It made everything kind of…okay.

“Oh boy! Guess who’s getting the top bunk!”

Jak went over to the rickety old dresser, all of his belongings fitting conveniently into a single drawer. He pulled out an old shirt and threw it at Daxter, watching it land over his face.

“Well thank you,” he said sarcastically and pulled it off.

“You have to sleep in something. With that and your underwear you’re all set,” he told him, pulling off his own soaking pants and tunic, hanging them over the edge of the dresser to dry.

“And you think I can’t sleep in boxers like you, handsome?”

Jak laughed. “Did you want to?”

He was silent for a moment. “No.”

“Didn’t think so.” He smirked and went to put on some dry boxers and he saw Daxter turn away quickly to start taking off his own wet clothes until he was left in a dripping pair of boxers.

“Really? You’re gonna wear my underwear too? I didn’t know this was what best friends did,” Jak said, turning back to the drawer and pulling out a pair for him. He handed them over and grabbed Daxter’s wet clothes, hanging them over the opposite side of the dresser.

He turned back to see Dax wearing what he had given him, his wet hair making little dark spots on the blue shirt. Jak grabbed a towel and placed it on his head so he could just barely see his eyes. But he didn’t move, so Jak started rubbing at it to try and dry his hair.

That’s when Daxter seemed to snap out of it and pulled the towel off, shaking out his hair all over the two of them.

“Thaaanks…” Jak smiled a little and took off his goggles, toweling off his own hair. “Very mature of you.”

“I am the center of all maturity, Jak-meister, and the sooner you understand the obvious, the better.” He gave him that cocky smirk, his teeth poking out the tiniest bit. And then he climbed the creaky ladder up onto the top bunk.

“Ahhh….my own bed…” He stretched out. “Yet…sadly it’s a little cramped up here… oh well.” He shrugged, pulling the blanket up, yawning. “Night, Jak…”

“Night, buddy…” Jak switched off the light and laid down, staring at the splintering wood above him.

Darkness.

Something that was all too familiar.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for this chapter: rape/non-con elements are touched on in a flashback in the first part of the chapter  
> expect self-loathing type thoughts where Jak is concerned. the dude is struggling <3 i try to handle them in a way i find realistic based on my own experiences with mental illness but everyone's experiences are different   
> please take care of yourself and if anything is triggering to you be careful <3

_Darkness. Pain. He knew nothing else._

_The hot tears running down his cheeks stung at the open cuts._

_He looked up into fiery eyes and cringed at what he saw. A smile bordering on manic played on his lips._

_“You know I love that innocent look you give me, Jak…”_

_No…no don’t touch me…_

_He fought against the hand at his throat._

_He wanted to scream. He wanted to rip into his skin. He wanted to hurt him. Like Erol hurt him. He wanted all these things but never made a sound, never tried to tunnel into the power growing inside him each day._

_Jak used to hope that one day he would grow bored. But he always found some way to amuse himself. Something that would catch his interest._

_Erol had eyes like fire, that burned into you. So you couldn’t look away._

_He just wanted to look away…_

_He couldn’t breath. Everything hurt. What was going on? Why wasn’t he home?_

_I need you, Daxter…I need you to get me out of here. I need your smile to make everything okay._

_The way he smiles makes me want to run away. But, Dax, yours makes everything okay._

_He sobbed harder and Erol smacked him across the face. He was dizzy, the lack of air taking its toll. He needed to lay down._

_The scene changed and he was being shoved roughly against the bed, body bent over the edge._

_He struggled against the masked Guard but his body was too weak._

_He struggled to get a breath in._

Jak shot up in bed, panting. He stared at his shaking hands as he struggled to regain control. But the more he tried the harder it got and he felt himself choke back a sob.

A hand was on his back then and he jumped slightly.

“Relax, big guy… Just me.” Daxter crouched next to the bed.

He couldn’t answer. He didn’t trust his voice.

The tears started to slow and he let out a shaky breath.

Daxter knew better than to ask. Ever since he’d broken him out of prison it had been like this. But he never seemed to get tired of it. He was always ready to help.

“You’re not there anymore…” he said, sitting down next to him.

Jak nodded slowly, his breathing almost back to normal.

He wiped at Jak’s face with his sleeve and forced a smile.

Jak stared at him for a few moments and then surged forward to hug him.

“I don’t know where I’d be without you, Dax…” It was only a whisper.

But he did. He would be dead.

Daxter hugged him back.

“Just…don’t think like that okay? I know where your mind’s going and I don’t like it.” His voice shook slightly and his arms tightened around the other.

Jak pulled back to look at him. Daxter’s eyes were so innocent and even in the dark, they sparkled with light. He hated poisoning that look with the darkness that seeped out of him every second. As much as he knew being near Daxter destroyed him, he couldn’t last without him by his side. He was the one thing Jak had left that kept him from going insane. He was the tether that kept him from floating away into a sea of darkness.

He interrupted Jak’s thoughts. “You need some more sleep, Jak.”

“It’s no use, Dax, you know that.”

“C’mon,” he pushed him down and laid next to him. “I’ll stay with you down here. I was getting’ lonely up there anyways.” He snuggled closer, just like he did when he was an ottsel.

It was silent for a bit and he thought Dax was asleep but then he spoke.

“I don’t know what goes on in your head, Jak…but if you ever wanna tell your buddy Daxter what happened, then I’m here.”

He didn’t know if he was still emotional or if that just really hit a sensitive spot, but Jak choked up a bit. He swallowed hard before answering and even then his voice came out a bit strangled.

“Thanks…”

Sleeping didn’t come too easily after that. He laid and listened to Daxter’s steady breathing and the occasional wheeze that made him smile. He drifted off a few times, listening to the sound of his breaths like waves on a beach.

Torn’s footsteps past the door made Jak aware of the time.

He rose quietly out of the bed and checked to make sure their clothes were dry. He then took a towel and went off to the showers. And when he got back, towel wrapped securely around his waist, he saw Daxter sitting up in bed, rubbing at his eyes and yawning.

“Hey, big guy,” he garbled.

“Morning,” Jak nodded, drying off and putting on his clothes.

When he turned around he saw Daxter stumbling out of the room only to have him come back ten minutes later, dripping wet, with a towel wrapped around his skinny body.

“Brr!” He shivered. “You used up all the hot water! You suck!” He shook his hair out on him and Jak laughed, mussing it with his fingers.

“Maybe if we put some muscles on your bones then you would retain more body heat.”

“Hey! Just ‘cuz you’re tan and muscular and all god-like doesn’t mean the ladies don’t love me too!”

“Well sorry to break it to ya, Dax, but today we’ve gotta fit in some training if you’re gonna be running around in this new and improved body. First things first, I’m not always gonna be around to protect you, and riding on my shoulder isn’t a possibility anymore.”

“What are you getting at, Jakkie-boy?” He stopped toweling off his hair to give the other one of his world famous brow raises.

“Gun course.”

“Boo-yah!” A huge grin crossed his face as he fist-pumped into the air.

Jak smiled. “Glad you’re excited. ‘Cuz this is gonna take some work.”

Daxter yanked on the rest of his clothes and stood by the door tapping his foot as if he’d been waiting forever.

“C’mon, Jakkie-boy, we don’t got all day!”

Jak looked to him and again was taken aback. Seeing him so…back to normal was well…not normal. Being an ottsel had become his normal.

He guessed he’d been staring a bit too long because he grabbed Jak’s arm and tugged, leaving him barely enough time to grab his bag.

“No time to gawk at the gorgeousness that is me, big guy, I wanna get to shootin’!”

As he dragged him through the front office Torn looked up from the many papers scattered across his desk.

“Watch it, rat, quit man-handling my best fighter.”

Jak smirked and Daxter tugged harder to spite him.

“Jak here is teaching me how to shoot so yous best be on good behavior so I don’t bust a cap in yo’ ass.”

Torn raised an eyebrow at Jak.

“Well,” Jak shrugged. “He’s gotta learn to protect himself.”

Torn grunted in return. “Well keep the shooting in the range, not around here.” And that was his form of a dismissal.

Knowing Daxter would only get more anxious the longer it took to get there, Jak hopped in the zoomer outside the Underground and watched as Dax took the seat beside him. By the time they got there Daxter was practically bouncing, and he leapt out and darted for the door.

“Alright, so we’re gonna start off simple,” Jak began as he took his guns out of his pack. “One, I don’t use pistols. But since it’s the easiest to teach with we’re gonna start with that. Then we’ll move on to the morph gun. The red mod is probably the best bet for you, it’s not only the lightest but I’m not planning on having you shoot long distance, this is mainly for self defense in the event that I can’t protect you.” Jak loaded the pistol and handed it to him.

“Let’s rock n’ roll, baby.” Daxter wore a wicked grin.

Jak smirked and gestured for him to lead the way.

“First things first, how to hold the gun.” He looked at how Daxter kept it awkwardly positioned in his left hand. Jak got behind him and placed his hand over the other’s, bringing the gun up. “Now you don’t want it too close to your face because when you fire it, you gotta be prepared for the kick back. And you don’t want the gun knocking you right in the face ‘cuz you’re trying to kill someone else not yourself.” Jak brought his face next to Daxter’s, their cheeks gently brushing, to get a better look at what he was seeing. “Alright, see the x on that wall over there.”

Daxter nodded.

“I want you to aim for that. Don’t lock your arms, but also don’t keep them too lose.” Jak watched him. “Okay good. Now I want you to get what it feels like to fire this but I also don’t want you falling on your ass. So, fire and I’ll make sure it doesn’t smack you in the face.”

Daxter pulled the trigger and fell back into him. He steadied his friend and looked down. “See what I mean?”

“Sheesh!”

Jak laughed. “Think you can try it on your own now?”

“Uhh…okay…”

He stepped away and saw the nervousness in Daxter’s face. He watched as the redhead bit his lip, squinted his eyes shut and fired. Jak also watched as he fell right on his ass.

“Good…but next time you might wanna look at your target.” Jak stuck his hand out to help him up and Daxter stuck his tongue out, receiving a smile in return. He took Jak’s hand and was pulled up to his feet.

The day progressed in the same fashion, although there was less of an “ass to floor ratio”, as Daxter liked to call it, as the day went on.

“You did pretty good today, Dax.” Jak clapped a hand on his back.

He grinned in response. “And I don’t think you’ve ever done that much talking in your life! Sheesh!”

Jak laughed. “I’ll take you to see Tess, okay?”

“Guns and women. Ahhh…I love being a man.” A dreamy smile spread across his face and Jak smirked, rolling his eyes as he slung his bag into the zoomer and helped Daxter up.

Once at the bar, Daxter amused himself with telling stories to the few who were there. Tess leaned over, her elbow on the countertop and chin in hand. Sig sat back, drink in hand, and slight smile on his lips. Jinx puffed away at his cigar, dropping the ashes into his empty glass. He seemed to be getting a real kick out of the tales Dax was spinning.

Jak sat in a booth towards the back of the bar, observing the scene as an outsider. It seemed completely normal. Like they weren’t in the middle of a war. Like they weren’t fighting against a tyrannical ruler bent on molding this city to satisfy himself. It seemed like things were almost…okay.

But, of course, being him, they never stayed that way.

Jak looked up as he heard the door slide open, the others too entertained by either the story itself or his exaggerated story-telling.

That walk…it was the first thing Jak recognized. It was a walk of purpose. A walk that said ‘I am somebody, and I know it’.

Second, the eyes. Smoldering embers that had the capability to turn from burning to cold in an instant. A bored look always seemed to occupy them. And when the look held some form of emotion, it should generally be taken as a warning.

Fiery hair to match his sanity, or lack there of. Everything about him screamed fire, yet there was nothing warm about him.

Eyes instantly locked onto Jak’s, as if he were a heat seeking missile in the middle of the arctic, and Jak was the only living thing for miles.

That lazy smile played on his lips and it made Jak feel sick.

He walked over casually, sliding in across from Jak in the booth; as if that seat were saved for him.

“Hello, Jak. I’ve missed you.”

Jak could hear the humor in Erol’s tone. A thousand words were rushing through his head; voices, screams, confusion, all pounding at his temples. He shut his eyes tightly, hoping maybe he could escape. But the only thing he could see were images of things he never wanted to remember.

And when Jak opened his eyes, he saw the embodiment of all his pain, all his suffering. He saw him sitting in a booth as if it were any typical evening. And even though the pain in Jak’s eyes was impossible to hide, it was as if he didn’t notice. But looking into those eyes, and knowing them so well, Jak could see the amusement there; deep within. This is what fed him. This is what kept him going.

Fear.

He drank it in like a plant to water. Soaked it up like it was his life force. He was a leech, forever stuck on the heart of his victim and there was nothing Jak could do.

“I don’t get even a hello? And here I was thinking I meant more to you…” His grin made Jak shiver. He placed his elbows on the table and leaned forward, the leather of his uniform squeaking in protest.

Jak took a deep breath but didn’t respond.

He continued, most likely knowing he wouldn’t get an answer. “You know, Jak? Even after these few years, your eyes never did change. Perhaps they lost some of their childish happiness, but they always showed _so_ _much_ emotion.” He placed a gloved hand on Jak’s cheek, his thumb resting below a blue eye.

Jak smacked it away.

“Always trying to fight back,” Erol shook his head, sitting back to prop his legs up onto the table and clasp his fingers behind his head. “It’s sad really,” he pursued, glancing around nonchalantly. “Because once I get my hooks into someone,” his piercing gaze turned back to Jak, “they’re never able to get them out.”

Jak’s eyes narrowed. He didn’t know it was possible to hate anyone more than he hated Praxis for what he’d done. But it seemed Erol was that possibility. Everything in Jak screamed to rip him limb from limb. And what was stopping him? Fear? Maybe…or maybe somewhere in his mind he needed him alive. Because killing him would be too simple. And maybe, killing him would hurt Jak too. He had been the only thing Jak had ever known for two whole years. And getting rid of that was like…getting rid of a part of his life. Question was, why did it bother him to have that part gone? What part of himself was stopping him from getting rid of the pain?

But he knew the answer. The part of Jak that liked the pain. The other half of him that…enjoyed when Jak hurt. Laughed every time he fell.

The part of him that felt he deserved it.

“I see the wheels turning in your head, Jak… What ever could you be thinking of?” A knowing smile played on his lips as he crossed his legs.

Jak’s teeth ground together and his fingers tightened so much around the glass he’d been drinking from that he thought it might break.

“Relax, Jak…” Erol brushed the back of his hand along the his jaw and Jak wanted to puke. “You’re so…tense. Perhaps I could…loosen you up?” he whispered into his ear with a smirk.

Jak felt his breath hitch as he tried to calm down. He couldn’t think about this. This was what he wanted. He wanted Jak to lose control. He wanted him to relive all those horrible days in prison. He wanted to break him.

And so far he was succeeding.

The dam inside Jak was cracking. He could feel the memories leak out. He couldn’t think of this. He just…couldn’t.

Jak clenched his teeth together, trying to keep it all in.

He brought his face in front of Jak’s, nothing but those smoldering eyes filling his vision.

“Well this has been fun…We shall meet again soon, Jak. You can be sure of that…”

That horrible laughter rang out as he walked from the bar. And that was when they all looked over. They hadn’t realized, hadn’t seen anything.

“Jak…?” He heard Daxter’s voice through the fog in his brain.

He couldn’t move. He was paralyzed by the memories.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and he jumped, sliding further into the booth.

“Relax, big guy, it’s just me.” Daxter seemed hesitant but slid in next to him. “Who was that?”

When Jak didn’t answer, Tess did. “Erol. The commander of the Krimson Guard and the Baron’s right-hand man.”

Sig chimed in. “He’s one crazy son of a bitch.”

“I hear he don’t treat the prisoners all too well either.” Jinx puffed away at his cigar.

Jak could feel Daxter’s gaze turn back to him, and it was clear that he knew. He knew that the reason Jak was having those nightmares was because of Erol. And it made him mad, madder than Jak had ever seen him. But he hid it well. Daxter knew his best friend wouldn’t want to air out his secrets. Not to anyone but him. Maybe.

Jak saw sparks behind Daxter’s blue eyes that normally remained rather carefree and their childish roundness was the slightest bit narrowed.

“Question is, what was he doing here?” Tess wondered aloud.

Daxter’s gaze flickered to Jak for a moment then back.

“Well whatever Crazy Ginger wanted it couldn’t have been anything good.” Daxter said.

“You got that right, Chili Pepper.” Sig nodded in agreement.

“Did he say anything to you, Jak?” Tess’ eyes were on him.

“Nothing worth mentioning.” Jak didn’t look up from the table. “We better get going, Dax. Samos still needs us to go to the forest and get rid of those metal heads.” He paused. “But if you wanted you could stay here.”

“Nah I gotta test out my new shootin’ skills.” Jak had a feeling that wasn’t the only reason. Daxter didn’t want him alone.

Jak stood up, shoving his hands in his pockets and felt eyes on the back of his head. He couldn’t even put up a front. So, he walked out and soon heard Daxter’s footsteps behind him.

“Hey, moody, wait up!” Daxter called as he caught up to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know the chapter ends abruptly but i had to cut it short cuz otherwise it'd be wayyyy too long forgive me!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to anyone who is reading this <3 it means a lot  
> TW for this chapter: mentioning of blood/bullet wound, past suicide attempts, implied torture

Except for the occasional comment from Daxter and the whir of the zoomer’s engine, the ride to the forest was silent. Walking through the pressurized doors was like stepping into a totally different world. So calm and quiet. The smell of the grass and the plants and the sounds of the trickling of water.

And like hell was he going to let the Metal Heads ruin a place like this.

Somewhere in the middle of shooting everything had gone black and when his eyes were his own and the darkness cleared, he could see scattered globs of dark eco slinking over to him and being absorbed into his skin.

“Now that you got all the dark outta your system, mind explaining what the hell happened back there with that crazy commander?”

“Nothing, Dax. Don’t worry about it.”

He shocked Jak by shoving him up against a tree, pinning his arms against it.

Jak blinked, eyes widening.

“I’m sick and tired of this, Jak! You’re more bottled up than a whiskey! Could you for once tell me what’s going on in your head?! ‘Cuz I swear one day you’re gonna explode!”

His face had become red, like it always did when he was angry. His freckles looked even darker and his hair even redder. Jak watched him pant and as his breathing slowed, Jak shook his head.

“He just came there…to be himself.”

Daxter was waiting for him to continue.

“He knows how to make my skin crawl. He knows the words to say, the way to say them, and where he should put his hands to make me wanna jump out of my own skin. He knows every fucking thing about me and I guarantee he’ll never get over the thrill of seeing me broken.”

Jak could tell Daxter didn’t know how to respond. So Jak shook him off and turned his back on him.

“Satisfied?” He didn’t know how badly he wanted some response until he turned back and saw those eyes on him.

Shock. Disgust. Anger.

But most importantly: pain.

He was imagining what his best friend was talking about. Because that’s what he did. He made Jak’s pain his own in the hopes of helping him bear it better.

“What happened to you in prison…I’ll never know how it felt. But all I know is there’s so much more about it than you’re telling me.”

Jak stared at him, not able to think of a reply. As much as he wanted to tell him he just…didn’t know how.

Jak turned his back again.

“Something happened to you in prison, Jak. You can’t deny that. You’re not just different from the dark eco.”

Jak tensed and felt sparks fly across his skin.

“I watch you, Jak, and I worry that one day it’s all gonna be too much.”

He felt Dark getting closer to the surface. And although he was aching from the fight, Dark was ready to take more blood.

“Dax, please…” he nearly begged. He couldn’t talk about this.

Jak walked over to the water to put some distance between them, kneeling down to look into the clear water.

Daxter didn’t follow him right away. When he did, Jak was running his fingers through the water, the cold enough to settle Dark down into staying beneath the surface.

“Reminds me of the days we used to sleep down at the beach in Sandover,” Daxter said, trying to change the subject as he sat down next to him. “Those were the days…” He sighed.

Jak looked over to him.

Daxter was leaning back, looking up at the sky, watching as the multicolored clouds passed overhead. His eyes soaked up the color and reflected it back like the water beneath Jak’s fingertips. His skin nearly shimmered from the beams of light bouncing off the water. When he caught Jak staring, Jak quickly looked away. It was still strange, seeing Daxter this way. Back in this body. He was the same yet different. Older.

Upon looking back he found Daxter absentmindedly chewing at his lip with his two front teeth and it was then that Jak wondered why everyone had always called him ugly. Jak didn’t think he was at all. He never had. As a matter of fact…Daxter was far more attractive to him than anyone he’d ever met.

“Dax…”

“Hmm…?” He turned his gaze lazily from where he’d been watching some leaves float along the river to meet Jak’s gaze.

Without turning to face him, Jak gently placed a hand over Daxter’s where his rested in the grass.

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

Daxter squeezed his hand in return, scooting closer so he could lean his head on Jak’s shoulder. “Anytime, buddy.”

They stayed like that, in front of the river, watching the sky change, until the color had bled out of the sky and replaced itself with stars.

Jak had to admit, he felt the tiniest bit better.

That night, as Jak laid in bed for some time, staring at nothing in particular, he was trying hard not to think and so far not succeeding. Jak could have sworn the other was asleep, when Daxter spoke,

“Hey, Jak?”

“Yeah?”

“Mind if I uh…sleep down there with you? It’s kinda…lonely up here all by myself.”

Jak smiled into the darkness. “Sure, Dax.” He scooted over to make room for his friend’s small frame and watched as he came down the ladder.

He snuggled up against Jak and sighed against the warmth between them. “Ahhh…much better.” Jak could hear the smile in Daxter’s voice.

He put an arm around Daxter’s waist and the smaller boy borrowed even closer.

Jak smiled and as he listened to Daxter’s breathing slow, he felt himself drifting to sleep.

Jak’s sleep was empty, no nightmares. Just…peaceful nothing.

He managed to get up without waking Daxter and he came back in after showering to find him still asleep. He put pants on and knelt down next to the bed with the intention of waking him.

His mouth was slack, his teeth barely poking out.

Jak hadn’t realized how close he was until Torn shoved the door open and Jak reared back, jumping to his feet.

Torn raised an eyebrow and Jak cleared his throat, looking away and feeling his face grow hot.

“Erm…well,” Torn began gruffly. “Get him up ‘cuz Samos’ got a job for ya.”

Jak nodded.

“And Jak?”

“Hm?” He looked to Torn.

“Maybe lock the door next time.” He smirked and walked out.

Jak groaned, thumping his head against the wood of the bunk.

“What’s eatin’ ya, Jak?” Daxter yawned.

He opened one eye to glance at Daxter. He was stretching just the way he did when he was an ottsel. Jak’s lip turned up a little and before he knew it he had grabbed Daxter up, pulling his body close, the sheets still hanging loosely around his small waist.

Daxter stared up at him in shock. “What the…”

Jak froze, letting go of him. “Uh it’s time for you to get up. Your favorite person has a mission for us.”

That seemed to snap him out of it.

“Ugh that green fart is getting me up at the butt-crack of dawn again?! Sheesh!” He threw his arms up in the air and the sheet fell to the floor.

Jak laughed.

“I liked it better when he was lost…” he grumbled.

“Get changed. I’ll be waiting out there.” Jak shut the door on his way out and leaned against it, trying to calm his breathing.

_Close one, Jak._

He walked out to see Torn filling up a cup of coffee, and when he looked over the heat in Jak’s face flared again.

“Now maybe you get what I meant when I said not to let this distract you,” he gestured with his cup and took a sip.

“That was…not what it looked like--”

“Save it, Jak. I don’t need nor do I wanna know about your private life.”

“Torn, it’s really _not_ like that--”

He held up his hand to stop him. “You really don’t need to explain yourself. Just listen to what I told you and don’t let this distract you.”

Before Jak could get another word in Daxter came out.

“Good freaking morning to you,” Daxter said, nearly groaning and looking like he considered stealing Torn’s coffee right off his desk.

“Don’t even think about it,” Torn shooed them and Daxter pouted all the way up the stairs.

Samos looked their way when the door opened and without so much as a ‘good morning’ started in with his request, “I want you boys to escort the kid over to Kor at the Power Station. He promised to look out for the boy, and I'm just too busy to baby-sit right now. Oh, and take the kid's Crocadog with you!”

As Jak approached, he watched the Crocadog growl at Samos.

“Oh…heh heh…isn’t he sweet?” The sage forced a tight smile to his lips and inched his hand a little closer as he was talking and the animal almost bit it off.

“So what’s this kid’s story?” Jak watched him run after his pet.

“We’ve been tasked with keeping him safe. That amulet around his neck means he may just be the lost heir to the city.”

Jak stared at it and something pushed at the back of his mind. Where had he seen that before…?

“Take the kid and the mutt to the Power Station. Watch out for guard patrols and defend the kid at all costs.” As Samos continued, the kid reached for Jak’s hand and he jumped back at the touch.

“Sorry, kid, Jak here gets all weird when people touch ‘im.” Daxter said, holding out his hand instead and the kid took it happily.

“Oh... and if you happen to lose the Crocadog…” Samos seemed to say he wouldn’t be bothered but it growled at him again.

“Yeah yeah, Log Man, we got this.” Daxter started walking and the Crocadog trotted after them. Jak stood for a moment and then caught up.

“Alright, Dax, I’ve got the gun, and you’ve got the kid.”

“Oh cool, I get to babysit, huh? Sounds easy enough.”

Jak took out the occasional guard and then hopped into a zoomer. “Alright, hop in guys. This should get us a little farther.” As he was driving he noticed more Guards by the minute. “Dax, get on the gun.”

“For real?! Yes!”

As Jak steered through the crowd, he occasionally glanced over to the kid—he was watching the men that Daxter hit and clapping with his chubby little hands. Jak found himself smiling at that.

As they got closer to the power station, he noticed Krimzon Guards flocked by the door and cursed under his breath.

“Alright time for a detour. Hang on, guys.”

He made a sharp turn and headed for the bar. He heard the screech of the engine as a bullet hit the back of the zoomer and cringed as one grazed his shoulder.

“Shit.” Jak pushed the gas down harder and pulled up right in front and in one swift motion he grabbed the kid and Daxter, the dog following close behind. Once inside he put the kid down and let go of Daxter’s arm.

“Uh, Jak…” Daxter pointed to his arm.

Jak looked down and saw the tear in his shirt and the fabric slowly turning a deep red.

“Damn. And this was my favorite shirt.” He smirked.

“You’re the only guy I know who smiles with a bullet in his arm.” Daxter rolled his eyes.

“Just grazed me, Dax, I’m fine.” Jak tore the remaining portion of his sleeve off, so now it cut off at the top of his shoulder. He wadded it up and pressed it to his arm. “You watch him, I’ll take care of this.”

“Oh no you don’t, Jak,” Tess spoke, coming over. “Sit right down on that stool and I’ll fix you up in no time.”

There was no one in he bar, as usual. He sighed but wasn’t in the mood to argue, the pain starting to get to him. So he obeyed and she placed a bottle of alcohol on the table, pouring two glasses.

“One to clean the cut and one for you to drink when I give you stitches.”

“Whoa, stitches? Tess, I really don’t think it’s that serious--” He started to stand up.

“Nonsense. I know what I’m doing, Jak, now you sit your handsome butt back down and lemme do my work.”

He sighed and she washed the cut off with water, though it quickly filled with blood again.

“Welp, time to sterilize it.” She soaked a cloth with alcohol and gently rubbed the wound.

He clenched his teeth, his body not happy with the intrusion or the burn of the alcohol. But he had dealt with worse pain than this. This was nothing…

“Alright, down that puppy and I’ll get to work.”

“You sure one shot’s gonna be good enough for him? I mean he’s got a lot bulk.” Daxter lounged against the counter.

“Oh trust me, it’s strong.” Tess winked.

“Erm…” Jak glanced nervously at the drink. “Doesn’t exactly make me feel safe.”

“Oh don’t be a baby, you’ll be fine!”

He hesitantly put the glass to his lips and swallowed it all.

She began working and Jak watched the boy run around with his Crocadog and a small smile played on his lips. He remembered when he had one back in Sandover. It ran off one day, possibly had babies, because next thing he knew, they were all over the beach ready to bite someone’s arm off.

Jak laughed at the thought.

“Uh…?” Daxter gave him a look.

And for some reason that made him laugh more. He tried to hold it back but frankly he didn’t want to. It felt…nice.

“Okay….how strong was that stuff, Tess?”

“You don’t wanna know.”

Daxter raised an eyebrow and looked back to his friend. 

Jak laughed harder.

“Quit making him laugh, Dax, I need him still.”

“Oh yeah ‘cuz I was trying.” He rolled his eyes.

Jak’s brain felt like it had melted and was flowing back and forth in his head like the ocean.

“God, I miss the ocean…”

“Where’d that come from?” Daxter looked up from where he’d been watching the kid.

Jak shrugged.

“Jak!” Tess exclaimed.

“Woops.”

“Well, you’re lucky I’m done or that coulda caused some problems.” She wiped off the newly closed wound one last time with alcohol and announced her completion.

“Good as well…sorta new.” She smiled sheepishly.

Jak stood, swaying a little. “Okay, well we should prolly get the kid to Kor dontcha think?” He looked to Daxter.

Daxter laughed. “Right now, Jak, I trust _him_ behind the wheel more than I trust you,” he said, gesturing to the kid.

“Seriously? The stuff’s just got me a little numb--”

“And dizzier then me when you spun me for pin the tail on the yakow at my ninth birthday.”

“That was pretty funny…” Jak smiled.

“Not the point but okay.”

“C’mon, buddy,” He put his good arm around Daxter’s shoulder. “dontcha trust me?”

“Not as far as I can throw ya. And trust me, that ain’t far.”

Jak rolled his eyes.

“Just stay here a while, Jak. I’ll get the kid something to eat and you wait for it to wear off.” Tess said and led the two of them to a booth.

“I really don’t like being treated like I’m a kid, Dax,” Jak said, sitting down after him.

“I swear, you’re like a big baby sometimes.”

_“I swear, Jak, you’re like a big baby sometimes. Just talk to her! What’ve you got to loose??”_

_Jak looked to him._

_“Well not talk…but…you know what I mean!”_

_Jak laughed and Keira turned around from her spot on the beach._

_“Oh hey guys!” She smiled hugely._

Jak smiled to myself.

“Uh…anyone home?” Daxter waved a hand in front of the other’s face.

Jak caught his hand and held it in his own. Kiera didn’t have freckles. But Jak liked freckles. He liked…

“You…”

“Me?”

“You…I like you.”

“Well, I like you too, Jak, that’s why we’re best friends.”

Jak shook his head.

_“If you like someone, all you gotta say is, ‘I like you’ or in your case mime it.”_

“I like you.” Jak looked him in the eye. “Do I need to mime it for you?” He gave him a lopsided grin.

Daxter stared for a moment before recognition seemed to flash behind his eyes. Realization spread across his face and color rose to his cheeks.

“Is this what I was like that one time I got drunk when I was still fuzzy?”

Always trying to cover up emotional situations with jokes. It was his defense mechanism. While Jak’s was going numb. Or even going Dark.

“I’m serious, Dax… Yesterday…in the forest…”

“W-what about it?” Daxter’s eyes darted away.

“And this morning when you were sleeping…if Torn hadn’t come in…”

“You did what while I was what??”

Jak rested his hand on Daxter’s cheek, which was still a little rounded and soft under his rough finger tips. Jak leaned in closer and just before their lips touched, Jak felt a tug on his pants.

He sighed, looking down to see the kid. There was something about his eyes that Jak just couldn’t say no to, so when he reached his arms up, Jak lifted him onto his lap.

Daxter appeared as if he hadn’t fully recovered, looking at Jak as if something had just occurred to him.

“He has your eyes.”

That was not what he had expected to come out of Daxter’s mouth. “What?”

“He’s got your eyes. Like blue eco. Never seen another person with the same eyes as you, Jak. I’d know ‘em anywhere. I spent all my time reading ‘em. The emotions are always so clear...” He looked back to Jak and he knew Daxter was trying to read him, to see if what he had said was true.

The corner of Jak’s lip twitched up into a smile and he hoped his eyes were telling Daxter exactly what he couldn’t say..

“Here ya go, little buddy.” Tess placed a bowl in front of the kid. “Dig in!” she chirped. “And here’s some water for you, Jak, you need it.”

Jak nodded, blushing as he remembered that she would have seen everything that had happened just before.

It took an hour or so for the drink to wear off and that’s about when Jak realized how stupid he was.

As a result, he refused to look at Daxter the whole ride to the power station and the whole ride back to the Underground. When they finally got into their room, Jak walked in ahead of Daxter and heard him shut the door.

“Okay, I know what you’ve been thinking about.”

Jak turned to look at him, trying to maneuver his shirt around his stitches.

“What happened back there…at the bar…”

“Like you said, Dax, I was buzzed.”

“But the stuff you said…you weren’t drunk those two other times and I…” He took a step closer. “Well in the forest I wasn’t…well it’s not like I didn’t feel it too or anything and I just….”

Jak looked from the crumpled shirt in his hands to see Daxter’s eyes downcast and cheeks pink. Jak reverted his gaze back to the shirt.

“Dax I…”

Next thing Jak knew, Daxter had his hand on his cheek and pulled their lips together. For a moment, Jak couldn’t think or even breath. This was what a real first kiss was supposed to feel like. Full of emotion. Pure. Innocent. He could have lived in this moment forever.

Jak tangled his fingers into Daxter’s bright hair. He ignored the protest of his shoulder as he wound an arm around Daxter’s waist to pull him closer. The kiss deepened, after some hesitance, and Jak followed his lead.

At some point Jak pulled back, but only enough to separate their mouths.

Neither of them opened their eyes at first until Daxter stepped back, slipping out of his grasp.

“I…whoa! Um…okay this…and me…and you…it’s--and--well--excuse my language but what the fuck?!”

“’Cuz that’s what you wanna hear,” Jak nearly rolled his eyes.

“No no, you--oh for the love of Mar-- you are amazing-- a little bit too amazing if you ask me-- but no I meant…I have been waiting so long for that and I…don’t think I realized it ‘till now.”

Jak felt a smile slowly spread across his face until it was full-fledged.

Daxter smiled cockily in return. “Well don’t I just know all the right things to say?”

Jak stepped closer to him. “I may not have a way with words, Dax, but I certainly know my way around… _other_ places, if you know what I mean…” His grin quirked up to one side.

Daxter stared for a moment. “Slow your roll there, Jakkie-boy,” He put a hand against my chest.

“And here I thought Daxter didn’t get scared…” Jak trailed off, his fingertips gently tracing the small of Daxter’s back, walking him backwards.

Daxter rolled his eyes. “Pft! He doesn’t! And I’m not scared! I’m just…” He stopped when his head gently hit the wood of the bunk. Jak leaned an arm on one side of Daxter’s head, keeping his other hand on his back.

“Just…?”

“Well…that was my first kiss,” Daxter blurted out.

Jak smiled a bit.

“Was it…yours?”

“It was,” he said after a moment, voice soft.

Daxter’s eyes narrowed a bit but he seemed inclined to believe him.

“C’mon,” he said and pulled Jak down on the bed. “Let’s get some sleep okay?”

_“Gentlemen, what is going on here?”_

_Jak could hear boots rap against the metal the floor but he didn’t look up. Two Krimzon Guards had each of his arms, holding up his body, his legs too tired to do the job._

_“We were taking him out and he ran for the edge, sir.”_

_Erol raised an eyebrow. “Is this true, Jak…? You were trying to leave me? Leave all of this?” He placed his arms behind his back and stepped closer. “Why ever would you want to do that…?” Jak didn’t have to look to know a feigned pout would be gracing his features._

_He angled Jak’s chin up with his finger and forced him to look into those eyes._

_“Leave us, men. I need to speak with him.”  
Jak fell to the floor without their support and Erol placed his boot over his hand, pressing it to the cold, unforgiving metal. Erol knelt down, increasing the pressure but Jak didn’t make a sound. He lifted Jak’s face up to meet his again._

_“Suicide is a very bad thing, Jak… How in the Mar’s name could you even think to leave me? What ever would I do without you?” The fire danced playfully in his eyes and he enunciated each syllable. He continued, “Those big, blue, innocent eyes….” He smiled. “Hiding such power underneath.” He yanked Jak up off the floor, grip tights on his shoulders._

_“Your behavior determines what comes next, Jak.”_

_Jak looked to edge again, considering. If he risked it and failed…_

_He sighed in defeat, nearly crumpling again under the weight of it._

_“Good boy,” Erol’s grin was predatory as he led him back to his cell. “I’ll let the Guards know you’ve been good. Perhaps they’ll go easier on you.”_

_The cell door slammed shut._

Jak jolted awake. His body was on fire and he needed to get out. The room felt like his prison cell. He got out of bed in a daze, pulling on pants and a shirt and walking out. The light in the front was off for once, meaning even Torn was asleep. Jak went up the steps to outside and found it was still dark, probably somewhere around three in the morning. Pin pricks of rain cooled his burning skin. And then he walked.

His legs ached after a bit and he was soaked to the bone after the rain picked up a bit. He didn’t know where he was, all the streets looked to same. The occasional Guard patrolled, but other than that it seemed no one else was around. People generally didn’t risk going out at night unless it was for something illegal, something that certainly went on enough, but they knew how to stay hidden.

Jak walked in a daze until the sun came out and the rain slowed, somehow ending up back at the hideout.

Torn looked up as Jak came down the stairs.

“Where have _you_ been?”

“Walking.”

“Daxter told me he woke up at four this morning and you weren’t there.”

Jak stared at him, too burnt out to change the empty expression on his face, or even say anything.

“You called him Daxter,” He said after a moment.

“Hmph. Well that’s gonna have to change.” Torn looked back down to the various papers on his desk, drinking from his mug.

Jak walked to their room to find Daxter pacing.

“Where the hell have you been?! I was worried sick about you!--- And you’re soaked! Tell me what happened.”

Jak didn’t respond.

“Still as mute as ever I see,” he commented.

Ignoring him, Jak went to the dresser, removing the shirt that clung to his skin from the rain.

“Hey! Don’t fucking ignore me, Jak!” He grabbed the other’s shoulders and spun him around, his fingers gripping Jak’s bare skin.

Jak stared at him, motionless, not even cringing as pressure was put on his wound. If he’d been in his right mind, the curse Daxter uttered would have shocked him.

“Now tell me what the hell happened.” His gaze was dead-serious.

“I just had a nightmare that’s all.” Jak looked down and Daxter put a finger beneath Jak’s chin, forcing him to look up.

And then Jak just snapped. He jumped away, pressing himself to the wall opposite him.

“Jak…?”

‘ _Oh, Jak…you weren’t thinking of leaving this place were you?’_

He covered his ears. “No…no shut up please…”

“Hey…Jak, it’s me Daxter…” He took a hesitant step closer..

‘ _Jak, if you leave here I will find you. You are mine.’_

Jak tried to get control of his breathing, remind himself where he was. But every time he closed his eyes he saw that chamber, the table, the cell.

_Get out get out get OUT,_ Dark hissed in his head.

Jak obeyed, running from the room and back outside; the cold, wet air hitting his face with a smack. He knelt down on the ground, palms against the gravel. His breathing was coming fast, too fast, and he tried to slow it down. Cool ground pressed against his palm.

The world felt far off, like he was floating just above the surface of consciousness. Images blurred together.

_Blood. Screaming. Arms around him. He is small. Being carried in someone’s arms. But she falls. And so does he. He skins his knee. He looks over to see a blur of red and flashing armor. Dark crimson is seeping out from underneath her dress. His eyes widen and he feels his lungs gather a scream, but nothing comes out. He sees her eyes. Blue. A mirror of his own. The life drains out of them slowly._

Cold water splashed Jak awake and his eyes shot open. He drew in a sharp breath and looked around desperately for those eyes. But they were nowhere to be found.

“Jak…?” Daxter was kneeling next to him, his arms resting on the bed. “There you are…” His smile was tense, but the pressure left his face the tiniest bit. “I was worried about ya for a second there.”

Jak looked around, wondering how he got in here.

“Don’t ask, big guy. You’re heavier than you look,” he laughed dryly.

They lapsed into silence and their gazes stayed locked on each other.

“What happened back there, Jak…?” His brow was drawn over eyes clouded with worry.

Jak shook his head as if to say he didn’t know.

“Seeing him again really fucked you up big time, buddy…” Jak could see the hatred brewing like a storm in the ocean of his eyes.

“I keep flashing back. The nightmares… It’s getting harder to keep the memories away,” Jak admitted.

Daxter’s gaze, which had seemed far away, was brought back. After a moment he rested a hand on Jak’s forehead.

“Might have something to do with that massive fever you’ve got going!” He yanked his hand back. “Damn! It might leave a mark!” He exclaimed, looking at his hand.

And although Jak knew he was being overdramatic, he also knew there was some truth to his statement. He had been feeling off since he’d woken up in the middle of the night.

“Daxxie! Here you are!” Jak looked over to see Tess at the door. “I gotcha both a coffee!” She put them on the rickety night stand next to the bed. Then the scene seemed to register.

Him soaking wet, most likely looking like death itself; and Daxter looking more worried than most ever saw him.

“What’s wrong?” Her blonde brow puckered.

“Seems to me that Jakkie here might be a little bit—or a lot bit—sick.”

Tess leaned closer and Jak could smell grease from the guns she spent her days with, along with a hint of alcohol that still clung to her clothes after working the night shift. It amazed him how she still stayed so perky despite her obvious lack of sleep.

She pressed the back of her hand onto the blond’s head and her eyebrows shot up.

“Whoa! Jak! You’re burning up!”

_“Oh, sweetheart you’re burning up!” The same woman from his earlier dream was leaning over him, brushing the damp hair from his forehead. “Honey!” she called to someone he couldn’t see. “Bring me something for him will you?”_

“Jak?” Tess’ voice came through the fog. “Jak?” she said a little louder.

“Hmm?”

“I asked if you’d cleaned your wound today.”

“Uhh no,” he said sheepishly.

She gently pushed up his sleeve, trying to avoid rubbing anything the wrong way.

“Jak…” she gasped. “W-what…?”

“What the heck is that?!” Daxter finished for her.

Jak looked down to see blood oozing around the stitches, a dark purple, almost black.

“That happens sometimes…” he told them.

“Jak, this doesn’t look good at all… I’ll ask Torn for the first aid kit and see what I can do. Otherwise I’ll get the Shadow; he’s a master when it comes to healing—I think he could even be a sage.”

As she left the room Daxter looked to Jak. “Old Green Stuff bein’ a sage huh? How predictable,” he said, trying to lighten the mood.

Jak could feel the corners of his mouth turn up into a smile. But despite that, the crease in Daxter’s brow still remained.

“Dax, don’t worry so much, I’m gonna be fine.”

“Look who’s talkin’, big guy!” Daxter plopped down next to him on the bed. “All you seem to do is worry…” He placed his thumb on Jak’s forehead in an attempt to smooth out the faintest of lines that were etching their way into his skin more every day.

He let his face relax with a sigh.

“You used to be so carefree back in the old days, Jak… I was the one who worried over stupid stuff, never you,” he paused. “You know, your eyes always made you look so much younger yet older at the same time… I dunno how to explain it.”

Daxter was stroking the skin at the edges of Jak’s eyes now and he stayed silent. Jak watched as emotions passed in his friend’s eyes from the memories clearly replaying themselves in his mind. Daxter’s jaw clenched and he stood up, turning his back to Jak. His shoulders were hunched, and he shoved his hands deep into his pockets.

“Dax…?”

He was shaking and Jak made a move to get up, but stopped when Daxter’s hands balled into fists, now out of his pockets. He spun around to face Jak, his eyes far off and full of anger; an emotion that didn’t often appear on his face.

“I’m just pissed off at this city, Jak! We friggin’ get blasted Precursor-knows how many years into the future into this dump and the first thing that happens is they take my best friend away to pump him full o’ dark eco!”

Jak was caught off guard and opened his mouth to say something but Daxter kept going.

“The first words that came outta your mouth were a death threat for Precursors’ sake! Look how much this city’s already changed you! And there is no way I’m letting more shit happen to you! You were just so…I dunno innocent before all this crap… And they just hadda ruin that! You never did anything to anyone…you risked your friggin’ life to try and change me back and this is what happens?” He put a hand over his face and Jak could see his two front teeth worrying at his lip, something he did when trying to hold back tears.

“C’mere…” Jak patted the bed with his good arm.

He didn’t need more invitation than that before he was kneeling on the floor, leaning his head on Jak’s chest. He nuzzled his face into Jak’s shirt, a habit from being an ottsel for so long.

After a little while he sniffed and wiped his eyes with the back of his gloved hand.

“We’re gonna get ‘em back, Jak. That’s for sure.”

“I know, buddy.” Jak smiled, ruffling his red hair, sending his goggles askew.

“You know, I’m not an ottsel anymore, Jakkie-boy,” Daxter pouted up at him, wiping at his eyes.

“Old habits die hard.” He smirked.

Daxter rolled his eyes, his mood improved. As he stood up, Tess came in with a first aid kit.

“Alright! You get changed into dry clothes; I’ll clean you up, and come back later to check on you.”

Jak nodded.

Once he was done changing she got to work. “Torn said that you could take the day off as long as me and Daxxie fill in for whoever’s taking your job, which really shouldn’t be a problem, right?”

“Oh boy!” Daxter shouted from the bathroom. He ran out, his face flushed from being freshly washed. “My first mission?!”

Tess giggled. “Yupp! And who better to be with than me?” Her eyes stayed fixed on the task at hand and Jak spared a glance over to Daxter who gave him a knowing look. A look that said _‘well I could think of one person who might be better’_ , but he said nothing.

“Of course, sweet cheeks. I’m ready to rock n’ roll.” He yanked his gloves back on and Tess stood.

“Alright! All done!” She smiled hugely. “I’ll be back to check on you later and until then just rest alright? I’ll take care of my wittle Daxxie-poo.” She pinched his cheek.

Daxter rolled his eyes and pulled on the boots Torn had surprisingly supplied for him.

“Later, Jak!” He winked at him and shut the door, leaving Jak alone.


End file.
